So in comes the stress

These past few days I have been hit with enormity of it all. I have been stressing non stop about how I am going to actually BE a mom and have all that that entails. Those who know me knows that I'm a worrier. Call it genetics are environmental, but I've always been one who looks for the rainy day. So I thought that if I listed my worries that it might help me to bring this unrelenting stress at least down to a point.
1. I'm stressed about $$, I want to be a stay at home mom, but we are not financially solvent on one paycheck. I want to believe that if we just have the faith that we can cut our income by more than half and live with me staying home with Loralei, but I'm really scared. I'm scared because it's going to hard and maybe impossible.
2. I'm stressed about working part time, I don't know if my current company will keep me part time, and if they do will I still be able to be a good mom. I never wanted to be a working mom, but what can you do?
3. I'm worried about just being a mom. I know that during pregnancy is not the best time to evaluate yourself as a person, but I'm kinda lacking in the patience area and I really worry that I won't be a good mom or that I will screw my kid up horribly.
4. I'm really worried about the sheer work of having a baby. The idea of going without sleep and being completely centered on someone else is so scary.
5. Don't get me started on the birth and breastfeeding.

I know that I shouldn't worry, I love babies and I already love Loralei with all my heart. I am so blessed to have this experience and I need to have faith because faith and fear cannot exist in the same person at the same time.

196 and Counting!

So a pretty monumental milestone for me, I have less than 200 days of pregnancy remaining. I am technically 12 weeks pregnant today and I'm so excited cause this seems to be a semi-permanent thing, for nine months at least. I am really excited and have been dreaming a ton about Baby. I always dream about a girl but Ry insists on the child being a son. We'll see in about 2 months. Actually I am really up in the air about finding out. I think I'm going to put it to a vote. There's pros and cons either way. Honestly the nursery is gonna be green no matter what. I have found the cutest crib things at Target and I'm thinking it will be a white crib. I want to find out, so I can prepare but then again that surprise is something that would be great as well...

I am doing better, I have been really sick and tired but as the pregnancy progresses I am feeling better. I am waiting for that fabled second trimester that is supposed to be much more fun! I am learning to appreciate my body in ways I never have before and I'm really blessed to have this opportunity.

Until next time, pretty soon there will be belly pics :P