Full Term!!

Woot Woot!! I'm finally full term so there is no worries if this little girl decides to make her entrance anytime. I am so ready for her. I am really really tired of being pregnant, well not pregnant persay but tired of being so so big. I'm sorry I don't have very many pictures. I don't have a scanner for pics that are printed out. Maybe Ry and I need to have some sort of photo shoot before Loralei gets here.

My really good friend Abby had her little boy last week. It was a scary emergency situation, but she has truly been blessed by Heavenly Father. Xander was born weighing 3 pounds and 7 ounces and just the cutest little baby ever! The miracle is that even 7 weeks early he is breathing and maintaining his body temperature! We went to see them on Saturday and he is just so adorable. He got Abby's finger toes and definately has looks like a mini CJ! Mom is doing well and was able to go home yesterday. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father blessed my friends.

I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow. I think it will be a quick one again because even if I made TONS of progress I'm not having any contractions. Here is my personal prediction. I think that next week on my next doctor's appointment when I have another ultrasound that my doctor will then start talking about induction or possible c section. What I want to happen, I want to either go into labor before then, or be induced soon after May 6th. I don't want Loralei to get so big that she can't fit through my pelvis or I need to have a c section. But of course my top priority is to get her here as safe as possible.

For me, this pregnancy is starting to really wear on me. I think it's because I got full term big so quickly and my body is really not having fun anymore. I've been full term size for about 5 weeks now and considering I'm doing well. The new symptoms that I have are just an overwhelming fatigue and soreness everywhere. Oh well, Loralei is so worth it.

Pregancy Updates

I had an ultrasound yesterday, April 17th to determine why I am so big. Luckily, my mom wasn't right. I am only having one baby!! Yay for a single birth! It turns out that I measure big because Loralei is 8 pounds plus or minus 1 pound AND I happen to produce more fluid that usual. So put those together and you get me, a really really big pregnant girl. It was so wonderful to be able to see Loralei again before she gets here. She is still perfect. You could see her fat legs which look like little cabbage patch legs and she already has a buddah belly! I was so happy to see her healthy. She wouldn't let us see her face, but we did get her measurements and she's measuring all 38 to 39 weeks.

The doctor told me that we are just going to hold out for a little while and get another ultrasound in 3 weeks if I'm still pregnant. She checked me and I wasn't dilated at all but I was already 75% effaced and the cervix was really soft. My doctor made it sound like I could go in labor at any time and everything would be ok. I just so glad that Loralei looks healthy and I don't really care when she comes as long she is healthy. The only "bad" news was that I am at a higher chance of having a c-section because my abundance of fluid allows Loralei to swim around and doesn't force her to engage in my pelvis, but the doctor said that there isn't really anything to fret over right now.

I am just so relieved that everything is still looking really normal. I was a little sad that she is measuring so big, but honestly all I really care about is that she is healthy and comes at the best time for her.

Baby Shower and Week 33

I has such a great baby shower!! Kath and Brie did and amazing job and I was literally showered with baby gifts! I have included pics below.



As you can see my hair is pretty dark. I really really like it. It's lightening up some more as we go along and there seems to be abit more red. Also you can see the baby belly, it is growing bigger pretty much by the day. I was thinking the other day that my normal is clothes is going to feel huge without the beachball of my preggo belly since I wear a lot of them still.

I got news from my doctor that my fundal height (or the size of my uterus) is about 3.5 weeks bigger than they would expect. This means that either I produce too much fluid or little Loralei isn't going to be a tiny baby. I am guessing on the later with the way that I can feel her hanging out as far as my belly will let her. It's an amazing feeling to feel her with just maybe an inch of skin between me and her. Sometimes tho, I swear she is trying to make her exit thru my belly button. Silly baby.

Everything is going well. We had a little financial scare this week with Ry getting laid off this Monday. But he found another job within 4 days and that is truly a miracle in this economy. He is working hard to paint the nursery. I will post pics when its done. Also, I have been sick. Its a really bad cough/cold. I just woke up coughing and it has not been fun. I'm sore all over from coughing.

To end on a lighter note, this weekend in General Conference! I'm so excited that we get to hear from a living prophet and the general authorities. I need this conference and I feel so blessed to be able to see it.

Change in Hair Color and the End of our Prenatal Class

Saturday was a monumental day for me. I officially left the ranks of blonds everywhere and became a brunette. I really wanted something different that required a lot less upkeep and would allow me to look different and look good with a new baby around. I tried this before...and it didn't work I was way too chicken to actually pick out a color dark enough to cover up my blond. It's much harder to cover up blond than I thought. So I sent Brie on a mission to pick out the hair color she thought would look good. She picked out this one. It's Feria's warm Brazilian brown.

I love it!! The first day or so it was a little dark but the red highlights have really come out and I can say I am a bit of a redhead. Not a ginger per say but I really like. The reactions that I have gotten have been mixed, but Ry loves it and comments on it constantly. I will upload pictures from my baby shower this weekend.

This week we also completed our prenatal class. I am so glad that we went. I feel so much better about the whole birthing process and the scary first few weeks. Our last class was a breastfeeding class and I have to say that it was SO funny to see the fathers (soon-to-be) so uncomfortable about all the breasts that was involved. When I talked to Ry about it he said the worst part was the instructor using her own chest as demonstration. LOL!! Thankfully there was no instructor "live" nudity. I will say that the most disturbing part of the whole process for is seeing the milk actually make an exit. I know it will soon be my reality and hopefully at that time I will think its super cool...but right now it gives me the heeby-jeebies!

On Saturday I have my awesome baby shower thrown by Kath and Brie. I am so grateful such amazing people in my life and all the hard work they are putting into it!! I love ya'll!! I will hopefully take tons of pictures and once again post pictures of the amazing awesomeness that is my stomach. My goal before the end of the pregnancy is maybe to get some video of the amazing movements of my child. It is so awesome to see her moving around, sometimes painful but always amazing!

31 Weeks and the Funnier Side of Being Pregnant

I am closing the 31st week of my pregnancy. I have to be honest other than the random pain that I have all the time, I am enjoying it a lot more. I feel Loralei kick and move and somersault all hours of the day and she really makes me laugh. I also have to laugh at the stares that I get. Now I live in Utah where everyone and their cat is pregnant yet people feel like they have to slow down their cars to stare at me when I'm walking to church! Some call me too sensitive, but I wasn't the one that pointed it out; my husband Ryan did! There are perks tho, people actually stop at the crosswalk when I'm crossing the street ;) and sometimes they hold open doors.

67 Days and Counting

AHHHH the gloriousness of my baby bump. This is me in Saint George getting ready to go out to the pool. I love my swimsuit! Ry picked it out. As you can see, my baby is growing strong and healthy. Just 64 days left!! Woot! I'm so ready to meet her. This has been by far the strangest, most all encompassing journey that I've ever been on. I love the child growing inside me. I love the love that has grown between me and my husband. I love life right now.

Tribute to a Wonderful Guy

This Saturday is my and Ryan's first anniversary and in celebration I wanted to leave a tribute to the most wonderful man I've ever met. I love my husband. He is so gorgeous and funny. I can't believe that he chose me and probably more amazing is that he continues to choose me after this year. Here are some of the things that I love about my husband.

1. He is always able to laugh.
2. He is ticklish.
3. He still looks at me (7 1/2 month pregnant) like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.
4. He is the only person who can get me to laugh no matter how angry or sad that I am.
5. He's got my back no matter what.
6. He is always dreaming about the future.
7. He loves to lay his head on my tummy before bed to spend time with the baby and to feel her kick.
8. He is the best listener (when the TV is off)
9. He hates sports, so practically no boring TV ever
10. He loves to spend time with just me and him.

There are so many more reasons why I love the kid but these are the top ten. I love him so much and I'm so grateful everyday that he chose to ask me on a walk on a July evening in 2007. I am so truly amazed at how blessed I am to have him. And the best decision I have ever made was to seal myself to him. I love you Babe!!

Ups and Downs of Life

This past weekend was full of ups and downs. I struggle with one thing and that is that I always want to know the end from the beginning. I want to know how things work out before I even try them. I know that my past and childhood has made me so desire security that I am paralyzed to take risks. What this typically means is that I really get bent out of shape when things don't work out to plan and sometimes I get bitter. Saturday was one of those days. We went maternity swim suit shopping which may be fun to so cutely preggo gals. But for me it was so sad cause for the first time I got to see my stomach in a full length mirror. Being pregnant doesn't bother me, what it is doing to my skin is what bothers me. I look like I have a map of Rome on my stomach. Now the unfailing optimist in me wants to say that Heavenly Father loves me SO much that he wanted to give me another reason to always be modest. :P But it really made me sad. I don't know I just don't feel attractive anymore...and it's pretty permanent.

The other thing that came up was that some money that I was really counting on to get our savings and baby fund started fell through so we have little opportunity to put anything away for a rainy day before Loralei arrives. That paired with Ry not working full weeks has started to really put a strain on me. So on Saturday when I found out about our lack of funds I got really bitter and upset. I just couldn't understand why this one thing couldn't work out for us when it has worked out for so many people that I know. This carried on through Sunday, when miracles of miracles it seemed like all the hymns were picked out especially for me. In Relief Society we sang "Lead Thou Me On" (?) and it really reminded me that I need to be able to trust like a child in the dark that I will be led to all paths that are good for me and my family.

My worries haven't all gone away. In fact, I am still struggling a bit, but I am able to say without a shadow of a doubt that though my path may seem difficult and my burden heavy I have the love and guidance of a wonderful Heavenly Father who just loves me too good to let me be alone when I'm in need.

Life as a Duplex

This week had been full of growing bigger. At my last doctor's appointment, my doctor looked at me and smiled and said " You know at this point you feel like there's no way that you get bigger, but you will...you will." That is not the most comforting thing let me tell you. This week I have started to feel the soreness of getting bigger. Nothing really hurts more than my tummy. Rolling over is such an ordeal now. Ry laughs at my "free willy" flop that I have to do to get over. Being pregnant is so fun ;)

I got to hear from my foster parent's this week. To give a little background, when my mother lost custody of me when I was about 6 and a half, they couldn't find any relatives that would take me so I was placed in a foster home with the Grotelueschen's. That period in my childhood was one of my happiest. Unfortunately we lost touch several time as I grew up. Yesterday, I received an email from my foster Dad asking how I was. I got to tell them that I was going to have a baby and that I was doing well. I'm always happy to give them good news, because for how my life started out, it's amazing that it's going as well as it is. I am so very blessed to have the love of another family far away in Alaska.

I have been reminded that I need to get pregnancy pics posted. Now I haven't because I'm embarrassed. Tho, I am a little awed at the awesomeness of my tummy; the reason has been pure laziness. My job wipes me out and the last thing I feel like doing is posing for pics after work. I promise to have some up soon, at least before I have this baby.

So in comes the stress

These past few days I have been hit with enormity of it all. I have been stressing non stop about how I am going to actually BE a mom and have all that that entails. Those who know me knows that I'm a worrier. Call it genetics are environmental, but I've always been one who looks for the rainy day. So I thought that if I listed my worries that it might help me to bring this unrelenting stress at least down to a point.
1. I'm stressed about $$, I want to be a stay at home mom, but we are not financially solvent on one paycheck. I want to believe that if we just have the faith that we can cut our income by more than half and live with me staying home with Loralei, but I'm really scared. I'm scared because it's going to hard and maybe impossible.
2. I'm stressed about working part time, I don't know if my current company will keep me part time, and if they do will I still be able to be a good mom. I never wanted to be a working mom, but what can you do?
3. I'm worried about just being a mom. I know that during pregnancy is not the best time to evaluate yourself as a person, but I'm kinda lacking in the patience area and I really worry that I won't be a good mom or that I will screw my kid up horribly.
4. I'm really worried about the sheer work of having a baby. The idea of going without sleep and being completely centered on someone else is so scary.
5. Don't get me started on the birth and breastfeeding.

I know that I shouldn't worry, I love babies and I already love Loralei with all my heart. I am so blessed to have this experience and I need to have faith because faith and fear cannot exist in the same person at the same time.