Consequences and Life 101

Trail at Cascade Springs, Utah

I talked to my biological mom today.  I have to make the distinction because I have three woman who at different times and for completely different motivations were/are my mother ( a different story for a different time).  I call my biological mother every Wednesday.  I do this because she brought me into this world and despite whatever has occurred after that momentous occasion I owe her a weekly call.  She lives in Virginia and the last time I saw her it was December 2004 so finding things to talk about is pretty difficult since we live completely different lives and there's an elephant in the room. 

I was molested when I was a young child.  From about the age of 3 to the age of 7, my stepfather sexually abused me.  I have vivid memories of this shame and of telling my mother.  She didn't and still does not believe me; she's still married to the man who did this to me.  I was taken away from my mother at the age of 7 when a teacher, the wonderful and caring Suzanne Dubois (sp?) finally believed me and the state was notified.  My stepfather was eventually convicted and sentenced to 20 years in prison with parole being a possibility after 5.  It is the sad state of the judicial system that he served 2 and 1/2 years.  My mother chose him and therefore lost custody of me, her firstborn.  That is the background for this particular story.

Today on my weekly phone call my mother sounded down and resentful.  I have heard resentful before.  It typically follows when I refuse to go on a joint vacation with my child molesting step father, but I digress. When I asked my mom what was wrong she said that her son-in-law had found out about my stepfather's record and no longer wanted for them to keep his infant daughter, their granddaughter.  This is of course my fault.  This is my "story" once again coming back and biting them.  I concluded the phone call quickly, but I have spent all evening contemplating this turn of events.

My mother of course wanted me to apologize; to recant the "lie" I told so many years ago.  It does not matter that I am being truthful.  She wants to escape the consequences.  Which leads me into my main topic; consequences.  I want to post a quote on my wall.  It says, "While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.”   Consequences are the results of our actions and we cannot possibly know the all of the outcomes of each of our actions. For example, I'm sure that while my mother understood she would lose her firstborn daughter and found that consequence acceptable, she is not finding these particular consequences to her liking.   I do feel for her, I know she didn't foresee this as happening but I cannot take away her consequences.  I love her and I know this must be so painful for her but this is the result of her first decision nearly 20 years ago. 

I too have suffered from the consequences of my actions.  Who hasn't?  I believe that the biggest thing we must learn in life is to make good choices so that our consequences are blessings in our lives.  One small action is the drop in the pond that creates ripples.  Each ripple changes the entire landscape of the pond as do each of our consequences.  I know that I have learned something very important.  That my actions will come back to me either in the form of good or bad.  Call it karma or whatever you wish but you can't escape the decisions you make.  I want to make the decisions know that when I get the consequences in twenty years I'll be pretty happy. 

My paltry advice is to make good choices so good things happens, because when you bad choices bad things happen.  This is Life 101. 

Here are some pics from a family activity that has nothing to do with the above rant/ disjointed article on consequences. 

Peanut Butter face

Lora-Loo and Me

Peek-A-Boo

Daddy and Loralei